Tag Archives: Conspiracy theories

“She pissed off the Queen, now she’s dead ”Why Brits Are Loopier Than Americans Re: Fruitcake Conspiracy Theories?

24 Feb

Why Are The Brits Even More Loopy Than Americans When it Comes to Fruitcake Conspiracy Theories?

By Nate Thayer

February 24, 2013

Some may recall that in December 2012 a couple of radio disc jockey pranksters in Australia called the London hospital where the pregnant Princess whatever-her-name-is was staying having taken ill with tummy troubles. The Aussie jokesters told the nurse on duty who answered the phone that they were the Queen of England and inquired about the well-being and status of their “grand-daughter.”

The nurse believed them and they engaged in a non-substantive, but recorded, conversation as to how the Princesses was feeling that resulted in a minor global hullabaloo after the joke was broadcast in Oz.

The blaring British tabloids didn’t damper the incident and  a few days later the unfortunate and gullible nurse committed suicide.

That is when things got rather decidedly wonky.

What struck me—and motivated me to write the December 2012 story– was the extraordinary number of complete nutcases and the most inane conspiracy theorists who dominated the chattering classes on social media.

These people were seriously forwarding theories convinced that the poor nurse was the victim of a royal murder plot.

So I wrote an obvious tongue in cheek spoof story on my blog titled: BREAKING NEWS: Dark Hand of British Royal Family Behind Secret Murder of Kate’s Morning Sickness Nurse “She pissed off the Queen, now she’s dead.”–Twitter Ace Journalist

After my byline, Nate Thayer, I accorded myself the job title “Senior News Ombudsman for World Social Media Operations”

That should, I would have thought, been a clue that my tongue was firmly in my cheek.

The story began as follows:

The UK nurse at hospital where pregnant Kate Middleton was resting with morning sickness and  answered the prank phone call from two  male Aussie radio DJ’s saying they were Queen Elizabeth asking ”Hello, I’m just looking after my granddaughter, Kate. I wanted to see how her little tummy bug is going?” has been found dead.

Fortunately the crack professionals of social media, which has effectively replaced what use to be the job of the now widely agreed to be the untrustworthy, sensationalist, incompetent institution known as the “Mainstream Media” of journalism is on the case and a well-informed citizenry is in safe hands.

‘I believe the royal family and the British secret agents killed the nurse. It is not the first time. Remember what happened to Diana”–Twitter Crack Reporter'”

The story followed with a series of other outlandish quotes I culled from Twitter and other social media that any—I thought—any half-sensible reader would interpret for what they were—complete and utter poppycock.

I am still scratching my head and continue to be entirely flummoxed and more than a little concerned to have found that almost all the readers of the story—the entirety of it published below—took the story seriously as if I was writing a straight news article.

Every single comment I have received has been from those who agreed the Royal family was behind the death of the poor nurse, because….well they did not say because why, actually.

The story, for no discernible reason, still more than a year later ranks as one of the most read stories on my blog. I received another comment today on it:

“Or perhaps it’s a ‘warning signal’ that if anyone else tried to go near the Royal Family or doesn’t do their job properly, they will be grave consciences. The nurse let her guard down and so the ‘secret Royal guardian forces’ put her down. That’s why everyone else under the watch of the Royals has to do their job properly and those wanting to cause grave harm to them have been warned. Bottom line is The Royal Family has to be viewed as powerful and influential people. Its up to these ‘secret guardian forces’ of theirs to make sure that these ‘views’ are always in place. I will never believe this B.S. even Diana’s car crash death.”

Other comments responding to the story include:

“How many years your country’s king and queen will kill people to save their dirty secrets. ” who is william ‘s baby real mom ?” was it that secert royal family wants to save from england people then they kill the nurse ? You don’t think it is time to kick ass to kings …. England people have a deep sleep . I am yelling “wake up England. WAKE UP ENGLAND, IT IS SO Late.”

Then there was Holly:

“First of all, it wasn’t two MALE disc jockeys, one was a female. Secondly, it’s not the QUEEN MUM, she’s been dead since 2002. This writer should get the facts straight. Bloody British Royal Family or not, this is a super-convenient distraction for them from the Jimmy Savile affair, focusing on this “royal” pregnancy will go on and on and on for another 7 months, then there will be watching the little devil, I mean darling, grow up. I’m sick of all this already.”

I responded to Holly with the following:

Holly:

My apologies on not realizing your Queen Mum was dead. Really, I had lost track of keeping current on the family health issues since my people expelled your people a couple centuries back.

However, occasionally I do admit to spurts of entertainment with Fergie and Di and Camilla (sp?) and Chuck and Randy Andy and Philip et al. But I do agree, it does get tiresome rather quickly.

Why is it they are useful for you people to keep them on the payroll again?

And who is the “them” you refer to?

And if I could politely offer one small correction: Isn’t it “Sir” Jimmy Savile?

The public sexual shenanigans of your people really are a bit hard to keep up with nearly as much as the state of health of your Mum’s and Princesses and Duchesses et al etc and so on….

And since you mention being “sick of it all”, I might suggest you alert your health care providers about your preferences for incoming well wishers, as there appears to be some confusion on that front as well.

Good luck with it all.

I don’t envy you.

Nate

Here is the rest of the story, unredacted, including actual Twitter comments followed by other people who wrote to my blog responding to the article. Not a single one acknowledged the story to be a spoof:

“The Royal Plot behind the Secret Conspiracy to Murder the Morning Sickness Nurse appears to be unlikely to mislead the news hound sleuths from the most respected global Twitter news operations:

“If u think the prank callers are at fault, then YOU are what’s wrong with this world. It’s obviously the Mafia Royal Family. They have done this before many times to avoid shame.”

But while the dominant theme trending by the new vanguard responsible for ensuring a vibrant and free press that serves the people and the principles of freedom of press—Twitter—is to blame the media for the death of the Florence Nightingale of our era, there is another strain of analysis trending on Twitter: That the demise of the deceased nurse was murdered at the hands of the Royals, a dark plot cooked up by the Royal family who murdered her to protect dark secrets which would expose the monarchy to unthinkable revelations of…well they don’t get very specific on the minor details.

“So royal family murders this nurse, calls it suicide and you crazy people are mad at the radio station? It was an innocent prank. At best it was semi-unprofessional and a bit lame. They do not deserve a shred of an ounce of blame for the supposed “suicide”. Nobody with common sense would utter something so ridiculous.”–Senior World Affairs Correspondent for Twitter

The Twitter righteous-indignation social media SWAT teams have been deployed in full force, calling for the poor Aussie radio prankster blokes to get fired, go to jail, or what seems to be the overwhelming favorite, be executed by guillotine.

“We were very surprised that our call was put through,” DJ Mel said after the prank. “We thought we’d be hung up on as soon as they heard our terrible accents.”

The now widely agreed to be murdered nurse took seriously the Australian men imitating the voice of the  British Royal Great-grandmother to be and apparently revealed secrets which surely threatened to bring down the British Empire, and took necessary measures to save its subjects from the calamity.

And the entertaining kerfuffle promises only to get more fun.

The two DJs have deleted their Twitter accounts and gone into hiding after a deluge of death threats, the radio station says it is very, very sorry and apologized for the poor attempt at humour, the Royals have all sent their condolences  and the Queen Mum and Princes Charles conveyed their “sadness and concern for the nurses family”

“I just saw a lord, stupid Brit elites, she was suicided by the inbreeds for knowing too much, either reptile hybrid, or In vitro fertilization from a human donor, the good thing is, no harm was done the royals.”

But the Trojan horse attempt to redirect blame from the real perpetrators by cleverly blaming two 20 something Australian radio talk show jocks did not detract the professional media sleuths of the powerful world network of Social Media.

“The British Royal Family has murdered millions for shiny rocks in the past. You think they have any qualms about killing?”–Twitter Senior  Investigative Correspondent

But to look on the bright side of these developments, I must say it is comforting to know that the nutcase conspiracy theorists running loose are not confined to those among my brethren Americans, but they appear to have taken root across the pond quite nicely.”

Other comments left on my blog include:

“Middleton is a strange woman. Now that the baby is her, she seems very awkward and unloving towards it. Like it’s not hers” and “If everything were really just honest with that family I doubt there would be so many bizarre rumors ?”

 

Mississippi Elvis Impersonator Terrorist Suspect Claims U.S. Coverup After Finding Body Parts in Refrigerator

18 Apr

Mississippi Elvis Impersonator Terrorist Suspect  Claims U.S. Coverup After Finding Body Parts in Refrigerator

By Nate Thayer

This Elvis cum terrorist impersonator story is only going to get more fun.
If this isn’t in the news stories tomorrow, someone isn’t doing their job. From the Google page https://sites.google.com/site/paulkevincurtis/ of Paul Kevin Curtis, who was arrested tonight for sending poison Ricin letters to the White House, is the following 2008, affidavit:
“By: Kevin Curtis:

“Let the record show that on this date, March 05, 2008, I, Paul Kevin Curtis, being of sound mind, am attempting once again to expose various parties within the government, FBI, police departments, legal & healthcare systems, etc. that a conspiracy to ruin my reputation in the community as well as an ongoing effort to break down the foundation I worked more than 20 years to build in the country music scene, began on the day I accidentally discovered a refrigerator full of dismembered body parts & organs wrapped in plastic in the morgue of the largest non-metropolitan healthcare organization in the United States of America, AKA North Mississippi Medical Center where I was employed from 1998 until March of 2000.

The purpose of this online documentary of photos, police reports, as well as my 1st & only online petition, publications & events surrounding my life & the actions of what I believe to be that of a secret shadow government in which I feel have been put into place by higher powers to be in order to hide the truth behind the illegal organ harvesting market which I began investigating in 2000 after being “banned” for life for simply questioning the hospital administration on what they did with so many dismembered body parts?

What am I hoping to accomplish?

 

  1. I would like a qualified & experienced attorney with no affiliation with the Tupelo hospital, WTVA News Station, Tupelo Daily Journal, Wizard 106 Radio, or any employee’s or persons affiliated with said parties to look over the 7 year paper trail, photos and events I have collected & documented & then be given a fair trial by jury once and for all. There is no statute of limitation on illegal court proceedings and obstruction of justice (even in Mississippi)
  2. A public apology by the CEO of the North Mississippi Medical Center & the opportunity to clear my name, character & overall reputation within the community and country by hosting a public Q & A towns meeting to be broadcasted via radio & television stations.
  3. I would like to have my book “Missing Pieces” published by a reputable publishing company so that I may pack my things and move as far away from Mississippi as any human being could before I disappear, or as a high profile Mississippi attorney joked with me one night when he said “If I were you, I’d be scared I’d be thrown into the Mississippi river one night with a pair of cement boots on“! ”

It contains reams of quite interesting documents and is signed: “This is Kevin Curtis& I approve this message”–the same exact phrase written on the poison Ricin letters to Obama and his Mississippi senator.
I have not confirmed that this page, titled “Missing Parts”, is authentic, but I think Paul Kevin Curtis has gotten the attention of the authorities as of tonight.

 

Black Government Helicopters Zoom Low Over Washington D.C. to Protect Against Terrorist Dirty Nuclear Bomb

9 Jan

Black Government Helicopters Zoom Low Over Washington D.C. to Protect Against Terrorist Dirty Nuclear Bomb

Helicopters piloted by an obscure U.S. government agency called the National Nuclear Security Administration zoomed 150 feet above my head today in the heart of downtown Washington, D.C. to measure levels of radioactive gamma rays to prepare for terrorist attempts to drop a “dirty nuclear bomb” on my house.

I am not making this up.

A low flying helicopter taking baseline radiation survey

A low flying helicopter taking baseline radiation survey

This was after I was awoken at some ungodly hour by a telephone call from Thailand from a friend who was having troubles getting his wife a visa to enter the U.S. to visit their children in university.

Which was followed by a taxi ride to the U.S. State Department the African American driver of which held my hostage while he vigorously lectured me that the reason for the concrete security barriers, metal detectors, and cordoned off streets now commonplace around federal buildings was because God was taking his revenge on banning prayer in public schools and legalizing gay marriage.

Then I had to present my passport to an armed guard, after weaving my way past reinforced concrete anti-vehicle barriers, who had my social security number written on a page of expected visitors, before I was directed to a neutral security ante chamber, strip searched, and made to walk through metal detectors and x ray machines in order to access the lobby of the U.S. Department of State where I was met in a green zone by the government official who had invited me to lunch, had to hand over my passport to another cordon of security personnel, issued a visitor pass which I was required to wear around my neck, was herded through another barrier of armed security agents who inspected my credentials again and allowed me through an electronically controlled door to access the main lobby where I entered an elevator and was whisked to the 8th floor executive dining room for a white table clothed luncheon where they had no tartar sauce to accompany my grilled fillet of tilapia fish.

There I lunched with the last two U.S. government officials who were stationed in Pyongyang as nuclear inspectors until they were summarily expelled when North Korea decided to explode an underground nuclear bomb in 2009, a former NBC war correspondent and old friend, and an executive of Radio Free  Asia who explained how they had no idea whether anyone was listening to their multi-million dollar Korean language radio service which they clandestinely beam into North Korea, a service Pyongyang considers an act of war.

Now back  to those helicopters.

On my walk back through my placid neighborhood in the shadow of the White House, the home of the leader of the Free World, a black unmarked helicopter fitted out with radiation-sensing technology zoomed so low over my head I instinctually dove to the sidewalk seeking cover.

This was confusing to other nearby residents strolling to or from their homes, and a tad embarrassing as I composed myself as the chopper zoomed into the distance at a couple hundred klicks an hour.

“If sometime in the future you have a reason to be looking for something radiological, it’s very necessary to have the original background so you don’t chase a high-radiation area that’s part of the background,” said Joseph Krol of the National Nuclear Safety Administration. “If there was some type of threat, we would do the aerial survey first.” Then agents would go on foot to the wherever the nuclear device was dropped. A team could be deployed anywhere in the country within two hours, he said.

“The way we operate, we assume every time we get a call, that this is the big one.”

helicopter

Let’s be clear here. Living near the corridors of power in Washington since 2001 has meant a considerably quieter air space as it is a zero tolerance no fly zone. The only air traffic I hear and see occasionally is the presidential helicopter taking the head of state from the White House lawn to nearby Andrews Air force Base to board Air Force One to jet off to wherever he goes.

Low flying aircraft is a less comforting sight in my neighborhood than, say, Kabul or Baghdad.

So, upon arriving home, I did due diligence to inquire whether my perimeter was secure. Here is what I found:

A statement from the “National Nuclear Security Administration” said the “(NNSA) will be flying a helicopter over portions of Washington, D.C., between Dec. 27, 2012, and Jan. 11, 2013. The radiation assessment will cover approximately 70 square miles and NNSA will complete the assessment using a helicopter equipped with remote gamma radiation sensing technology.”

“The helicopter will fly in a grid pattern over the areas, 150 feet or higher above the ground surface, at a speed of approximately 80 miles per hour. Flyovers will occur only during daylight hours and it is estimated to take about two weeks to complete the assessment.”

The stated mission of the NNSA is “to be responsible for the management and security of the nation’s nuclear weapons…responds to nuclear and radiological emergencies in the United States and abroad…along with other missions supporting the national security.”

This explained the twin-engine black, unmarked Bell 412 helicopter with gamma radiation detection technology that zipped over my head moments earlier. Sort of…

The press releases said the purpose was to “…to measure naturally occurring radiation…”, but made no mention of “not so naturally occurring” radiation, as in a terrorist nuclear bomb they were deployed in an attempt to deter.

I found this press release on a website which featured such other stories as “BREAKING: Comet Elenin: White House letter addresses “US Must Prepare For Comet Collision”, and “Illuminati Card Game Shows Japan Earthquake Disasters” with a sub heading “Known in advance through occult knowledge?  Engineered by the dark forces power?  Illuminati Card Game Shows Japan Earthquake Was Planned ..”

Other articles included “COLORADO GUNMAN POSSIBLE MK-ULTRA” with the lead “The Crazy Gunmen” MK-ULTRA victims are usually special sleeper mind control victims designed as sacrifices for the NWO cause …”

I dug for more reliable and less alarming sourcing, which I quickly found on such credible new sites as the Washington Post and CBS News, albeit, in an equally alarming revelation, buried deep beneath any headlines as if this was not an issue that should concern me.

A press release continued that “The National Nuclear Security Administration (NNSA) will be flying a helicopter over portions of Washington, D.C.” and “will complete the radiation assessment using a helicopter equipped with remote gamma radiation sensing technology.”

Apparently the NNSA, of which until today I never knew even existed, is identifying naturally occurring radiation hot spots, so when or if there is a dirty bomb attack the government has a baseline to gauge the change in levels of radiation in my neighborhood.

CNN quoted a bureaucrat from the Institute for Homeland Security giving less than comforting context, saying a dirty bomb – a bomb with no atomic explosion, but spewing enough radioactive material to require evacuations and quarantines – is a method of attack that terrorists would be highly interested in.

“The good news is, it wouldn’t kill a lot of people,” Randy Larsen said. “But if you did it here in downtown Washington D.C., or Wall Street in New York City, and the people can’t go back in that area for a long time, that’s a pretty significant event.”

But could a hidden dirty bomb be detected from a helicopter?

“Absolutely,” said Larsen, but only after a detailed scan has been done. “This would tend to make something stick out like a sore thumb. Without it, it would be looking for a needle in a haystack.”

Two pilots, a scientist, a technician and equipment for detecting gamma radiation are aboard the flights.

 

This was not reassuring news.

Apparently other readers agreed. “I can’t help but wonder if this has less to do with nukes/dirty bombs and more to do with the real threat of Fukushima. Our government and media are trying to keep the masses from acknowledging that Fukushima could render the United States uninhabitable so it wouldn’t surprise me if they were tracking real radiation and calling it a ‘drill’,” offered one commentator to the news story.

The NNSA helpfully announced that naturally-occurring radiation is being measured so that baseline levels can be established and used in security and emergency preparedness, adding that, in addition to monitoring radiation levels and responding to radiological emergencies on the home front, the agency provides the U.S. Navy with nuclear propulsion and works to reduce the global danger of weapons of mass destruction.

NNSA said they were offering the announcement to make the public aware of the helicopter flights so that citizens who see low-flying aircraft are not alarmed. That did not work in my case.

The  December 26 press release said the NNSA’s Remote Sensing Laboratory (RSL) out of Joint Base Andrews will be performing the assessment and the “NNSA’s Office of Emergency Operations collaborates with more than 80 foreign governments and 10 international organizations with projects ranging from providing assistance to foreign governments in improving their emergency preparedness and response programs, to joint collaborative activities to improve emergency management infrastructure worldwide.”

They added the NNSA in October held training intended for personnel who work with radiation emergency response teams, saying “The training was part of NNSA’s broader effort to build and enhance nuclear emergency management systems worldwide, “according to another press release from October 12 from this previously never heard of government agency. “The international course provided commonly accepted methods in addition to lessons learned by NNSA responders in Japan during the Fukushima incident.”

The NNSA provided useful background that it was established in 2000 as a semi-autonomous agency within the U.S. Department of Energy responsible for enhancing national security through the military application of nuclear science.

Other readers took a lighter view of these developments. “They should be testing for intelligent life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”, said one reader commenting on the flights over the nation’s capitol. Another reader offered “Could the radiation be the cause of the insanity that is Washington DC?” while still another one opined “Wash DC and its minions are toxic to our country and our society.”

Other readers took the issue off to another tangent. “I agree that nuking DC would be a great start, but the disease is in the education system as well. It has turned into a leftist incubator and the universities are out and out socialist for the most part.”

Another resident only made my day considerably bleaker by writing “I have an electrical engineering bachelors and went to medical school. Sure basically all of the teachers are liberal, evolution believing, people. I am a Christian, believe in creationism and a young earth. I have tested into Mensa. Going to college will not, in my opinion change a person to believe leftist or right. Most people’s base opinions and character regarding things are established around or before the age of 5.”

Which prompted another reader to submit the wittiest rejoinder to the events of the entire day: “You believe in creationism, and have tested into Mensa. That’s like believing that the world is flat, and building a satellite to orbit it.”

Evidence Suggests Readers of Thayer Blog are Certifiably Bonkers

8 Dec

Study:Evidence Suggests Readers of Thayer Blog are Certifiably Bonkers: Life’s Work Appears to Have Been in Vain

Story of Royal’s Murder Plot Behind Dead Nurse of Preggers Bride of Son of Still Dead Princess Di Believed by More Readers Than Two Decades of Pol Pot Research

By Nate Thayer

Oh, my. Oh, gosh. It is my civic duty to report with a heavy heart that evidence strongly suggests a good chunk of my readers appear to be certified wack jobs.  The evidence appears to be hard to try and deny any longer.

Last night, I wrote a story and posted it on my blog detailing an eye-popping alarming trend on social media that suggests  far too many people than makes me comfortable appear to believe that the Queen Mum and her clan murdered the now dead British nurse who fell for the Aussie radio comedy jokesters prank phone call saying they were Queen Elizabeth and asked ”Hello, I’m just looking after my granddaughter, Kate. I wanted to see how her little tummy bug is going?”

I am saddened to report that, to be rather blunt, evidence suggests many of you people are stark raving bonkers and support this theory.

My headline: UK Royal’s Behind Murdered Nurse to Preggers Bride of Still Dead Princess Di’s Still Grieving Son; Well Informed Citizenry Now in Safe Hands as Social Media Replace Mainstream Media as Top News Source appears to have been taken seriously by you people.

I woke up to find that my inbox included posted comments to the story BREAKING NEWS: Dark Hand of British Royal Family behind Secret Murder of Kate’s Morning Sickness Nurse  and subtitled “UK Royal’s Behind Murdered Nurse to Preggers Bride of Still Dead Princess Di’s Still Grieving Son; Well Informed Citizenry Now in Safe Hands as Social Media Replace Mainstream Media Agenda”

One thoughtful reader sent me his/her  thoughtful plea: “How many years your country’s king and queen will kill people to save their dirty secrets. ” who is William’s baby real mom ?” was it that secret royal family wants to save from England people then they kill the nurse ? You don’t think it is time to kick ass to kings …. England people have a deep sleep . I am yelling ‘wake up England.’ WAKE UP ENGLAND, IT IS SO Late.”

Let me first be clear. That is not my country. We rid ourselves of the Imperial Yoke as we were on to their now rather evident penchant for lunacy more than two centuries ago. That is why we immediately insisted on the Right to Keep lots of sophisticated high powered weaponry in our homes and shoot them on sight if they attempted to come back.

There is a useful little program that allows one to track the mental health status of one’s blog readership by back tracking the cyber origins showing from whence my good readers came. A good chunk of them came from you people on my Facebook friends list. And the story appears to have overtaken in reader views anything I have written on , say, for instance the Khmer Rouge, of which I appear to have, in retrospect, wasted two decades of my rapidly diminishing youth writing about.

The Dead Nurse Murdered By Brit Royal’s story cited such real Twitter comments as “I believe the royal family and the British secret agents killed the nurse. It is not the first time. Remember what happened to Diana”–Twitter Crack Reporter” and “I just saw a lord, stupid Brit elites, she was suicided by the inbreeds for knowing too much, either reptile hybrid, or In vitro fertilization from a human donor, the good thing is, no harm was done the royals.”—-Twitter Ace Defender of the People’s Right to Know.”

But the most alarming proof suggesting you people need to be immediately rounded up and indefinitely incarcerated in reeducation camp were the details of the search terms which listed every search term used that brought those interested in reading my scribbled offerings.

The search terms used that led you people to my blog from Google, Bing, and Yahoo include:royal family murdered nurse; did royal family have nurse killed; did royal family have nurse killed; royal family kill nurse; royal nurse murdered; Hun Sen family; what happened to the nurse from the royal family; the royal family killed the nurse; nurse did queen order murder; north Korean people; royal family murdered the nurse; murdered royal nurse; nurse uk killed by royal family; royal family murders nurse; British nurse royal family murder; Hun Sen family; what happened to the nurse from the royal family; the royal family killed the nurse; nurse did queen order murder; north Korean people; royal family killed nurse; uk Nate morning sickness; royal family murdered Diana; royalfamily murdered nurse; Kate nurse murder; nurse murder Kate conspiracy; British royal family news; nurse was murdered by royals; did royal family kill nurse; murdered nurse Kate Middleton; Kate Middleton nurse murdered; royal nurse murder; did the royal family murder the nurse; percentage of Americans who believe royal family killed the nurse; Vietnamese jail uniforms for sale; royal family killers; royal family killed the nurse; did the royal family murder nurse; pol pot wife children; was uk nurse killed; nurse murdered by royals; royal family murder nurse; dj killed by royal family

There were exactly three “other search terms” which were not identified, presumably too alarming to not be immediately forwarded by the  intelligence units who monitor Clear and Present Threats for the search engines dot.com community to MI-5 and 6.

BREAKING NEWS: Dark Hand of British Royal Family behind Secret Murder of Kate’s Morning Sickness Nurse

7 Dec

BREAKING NEWS: Dark Hand of British Royal Family behind Secret Murder of Kate’s Morning Sickness Nurse

“She pissed off the Queen, now she’s dead.”–Twitter Ace Journalist

By Nate Thayer

Senior News Ombudsman for World Social Media Operations

The UK nurse at hospital where pregnant Kate Middleton was resting with morning sickness and  answered the prank phone call from two  male Aussie radio DJ’s saying they were Queen Elizabeth asking ”Hello, I’m just looking after my granddaughter, Kate. I wanted to see how her little tummy bug is going?” has been found dead.

Fortunately the crack professionals of social media, which has effectively replaced what use to be the job of the now widely agreed to be the untrustworthy, sensationalist, incompetent institution known as the “Mainstream Media” of journalism is on the case and a well informed citizenry is in safe hands.

“I believe the royal family and the British secret agents killed the nurse. It is not the first time. Remember what happened to Diana”–Twitter Crack Reporter

The Institution of Serious Journalism in Safe Hands

The Institution of Serious Journalism in Safe Hands

The Royal Plot behind the Secret Conspiracy to Murder the Morning Sickness Nurse appears to be unlikely to mislead the news hound sleuths from the most respected global Twitter news operations :

“I f u think the prank callers are at fault, then YOU are what’s wrong with this world. It’s obviously the Mafia Royal Family. they have done this before many times to avoid shame.”

But while the dominant theme trending by the new vanguard responsible for ensuring a vibrant and free press that serves the people and the principles of freedom of press—Twitter—is to blame the media for the death of the Florence Nightingale of our era, there is another strain of analysis trending on Twitter: That the demise of the deceased nurse was murder at the hands of the Royals, a dark plot cooked up by the Royal family who murdered her to protect dark secrets which would expose the monarchy to unthinkable revelations of…well they don’t get very specific on the minor details.

“So royal family murders this nurse, calls it suicide and you crazy people are mad at the radio station? It was an innocent prank. At best it was semi-unprofessional and a bit lame. They do not deserve a shred of an ounce of blame for the supposed “suicide”. Nobody with common sense would utter something so ridiculous.”–Senior World Affairs Correspondent for Twitter

The Twitter righteous-indignation social media SWAT teams have been deployed in full force, calling for the poor Aussie radio prankster blokes to get fired, go to jail,  or what seems to be the overwhelming favorite, be executed by guillotine.

“We were very surprised that our call was put through,” DJ Mel said after the prank. “We thought we’d be hung up on as soon as they heard our terrible accents.”

The now widely agreed to be murdered nurse took seriously the Australian men imitating the voice of the  British Royal Great-grandmother to be and apparently revealed secrets which surely threatened to bring down the British Empire, and took necessary measures to save its subjects from the calamnity.

“I just saw a lord, stupid Brit elites, she was suicided by the inbreeds for knowing too much, either reptile hybrid, or In vitro fertilization from a human donor, the good thing is, no harm was done the royals.”—-Twitter Ace Defender of the people’s Right to Know

And the entertaining kerfuffle promises only to get more fun.

The two DJs have deleted their Twitter accounts and gone into hiding after a deluge of death threats, the radio station says it is very, very sorry and apologized for the poor attempt at humour, the Royals have all sent their condolences  and the Queen Mum and Princes Charles conveyed their “sadness and concern for the nurses family”

“I just saw a lord, stupid Brit elites, she was suicided by the inbreeds for knowing too much, either reptile hybrid, or In vitro fertilization from a human donor, the good thing is, no harm was done the royals.”

But the Trojan horse attempt to redirect blame from the real perpetrators by cleverly blaming two 20 something Australian radio talk show jocks did not detract the professional media sleuths of the powerful world network of Social Media.

“The British Royal Family has murdered millions for shiny rocks in the past. You think they have any qualms about killing?”–Twitter Senior  Investigative Correspondent

But to look on the bright side of these developments, I must say it is comforting to know that the nutcase conspiracy theorists running loose are not confined to those among my brethren Americans, but they appear to have taken root across the pond quite nicely.

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